November is the designated month for thankfulness, a month where you are supposed to reflect on what you are thankful for. Gratitude and thankfulness are very similar things, but they are vastly different.
Some define the two as follows: Gratitude is an inward feeling of contentment and appreciation, while thankfulness is an outward momentary expression of something we appreciate. Some say gratitude is a lasting emotion that arises from reflecting on the many things you are thankful for, it’s a posture of life rather than just a moment, while thankfulness arises from something specific, such as someone holding the door open for you.
Either way, starting in October, sometimes even earlier, you’ll walk the aisles of stores and see Thanksgiving decor that says “thankful” or “be thankful.” For the past three months of seeing the phrase, it has caused me to pause and think.
For one day every year, we are called, asked, or pushed to be thankful. Often, people sit around their dining room tables, fuller than ticks, going one by one, listing things they’re thankful for.
Although my year looks far differently than I could have ever planned for it to, thinking of things I’m thankful for wasn’t necessarily hard for me to do. After all, I have a beautiful family, a niece and nephew who bring so much joy to my life, friends who bring me joy, and I have good health. But when I reflect on the past eleven months of this year, I wouldn’t say my attitude or mindset has been full of gratitude. If I’m honest, I can’t wait for 2024 to be over—not because I believe in the whole “new year, new me” thing, but because I’m just hoping something sparks excitement or joy in me when the new year rings in. I guess that contradicts the whole “new year, new me” thing, but I guess what I’m trying to say is: I’m hoping the end of the tunnel I’m in will come on January 1st, 2025.
While I am aware that it probably won’t be, I cling to the hope of Jesus, knowing that one day this tunnel will end, and I will see the light fully because He has me in His hand.
It’s December 1st, 2024, and I feel like it should still be January 7th, 2024, when I sat on my living room floor crying with my old roommate, wondering how I was going to fix the mess that had suddenly become my reality.
It’s December 1st, and I’m still trying to fix it. I’m closer to Jesus now than I ever have been, and because of that, I am thankful for this year. Because of that, I am thankful for the bad and the good. But there’s a lot in my life that I am not thankful for, and I know that is what the Lord is working on in me.
When someone who played a large part of your life for 13 years hurts you and continues to hurt you—with little to no remorse—it’s so hard to be thankful and have an attitude of gratitude towards the good that took place in those 13 years. Maybe that’s why this year has been hard to have an inward posture of gratitude. I’m not sure. How does one have gratitude when all they do is reflect on the past 13 years of life, questioning what was genuine and what wasn’t? What was meant for evil and what wasn’t? What was intentional and what wasn’t?
As the holiday season approaches, I’m not naive enough to believe I’m alone in this. Whether the situation is the same as mine or not, holidays bring about a raw sense of reality. Whether that reality is broken relationships within a family, loneliness that is felt louder on holidays than any other day of the year, or a whole new feeling of grief over a loved one who will no longer have wrapped presents under the tree or who will no longer bring the mashed potatoes to the family gathering. Or, for me, grieving holiday traditions that will no longer take place—like taking two very special little ones to E-town to look at Christmas lights, or attending a Christmas Eve service with my parents and best friends, or throwing a young adult ministry Christmas party.
As I’ve been reflecting on the holidays, Thanksgiving, gratitude versus thankfulness, and this year, it’s made me wonder if this feeling is ultimately the Lord leading me to this place of conviction that Thanksgiving will forever be lacking what it’s intended to be, which is gratitude—unless I have this posture of gratitude throughout the whole year.
I know that probably sounds confusing, but I think it’s simple. It’s like anything: We can’t expect to start a diet today and tomorrow wake up at our dream weight. We can’t expect to save $1 today and tomorrow be able to buy a house. We can’t expect to take one counseling session and never feel depression again. At least not on this side of Heaven.
We cannot expect to wake up on the fourth Thursday of every November and have a posture of gratitude. Sure, we can say a whole list of things we are thankful for, but I think that’s the difference between the two. If I’m grateful for the hurt I’ve experienced, would I still be this angry about it? Would I still be sitting at home on Sunday mornings? Would I still be upset over the losses I’ve experienced? I’m thankful for it, but I sure am not grateful for it. And I guess what I mean by that is, in the grand scheme of things, I am thankful for it. I’m thankful for where it has led my relationship with the Lord, and I’m thankful for the ways it has grown me. But when it comes to the day-to-day life, I wouldn’t say every day I wake up feeling thankful.
There are so many passages of Scripture I have been studying in response to reflecting on this, so I want to share some of the ones that have encouraged me and led me to a place I feel is a start.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Always give thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 5:20
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2-5
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
Something I found that is common in all of these passages is that what the Lord calls us to be thankful for is HIM, what He has done for us, and what He continues to do for us.
That’s just it. When my eyes are fixed on Him in the day-to-day, during the big and the small, it’s harder to lose the posture of gratitude.
Think about it this way: If you were walking to work one day and a bus almost hit you, but someone jumped out and pushed you out of the way and saved your life—and then every day after that, showed up on your doorstep offering love, joy, kindness, gentleness, patience, peace, faithfulness, and self-control in human form… Don’t you think it would be hard not to answer that door every day and thank them for saving your life? It’s the same with Jesus. He literally lived a perfect life so that He could die for us, to pay a debt He did not owe.
Our response as believers should be the same every day, full of gratitude. Not just thankfulness, which to many is a verbal statement, but our lives should be an active statement of gratitude. How we treat our friends, siblings, spouses, coworkers, or those who have hurt us should be a statement of gratitude toward Jesus for what He has done for us on the cross, despite what sinful people do here on earth.
I totally get it if you read that and think, “Yeah. Okay. Way easier said than done.” Trust me, I get it. Which is why I’m writing this. I’ve truly struggled with this the past three months. Well, I guess truthfully, this whole year. I don’t expect it to change overnight. To feel thankful is one thing, but to have an overwhelming sense of gratitude that leads you to a place of contentment is a whole other thing. And I’m not saying that gratitude will lead you to a place of contentment. I think other things have to be in place as well. For me, something that is missing is a church home—a biblicalcommunity to live in with fellow believers. I am aware that contentment will lack until I find that.
Where did I start, though, with gratitude? I started with my quiet time every day. I would start it by writing three things I was thankful for. For a week, I came up with different things every day, and then I got into a comfortable habit of writing some combination of the following: my niece, my nephew, my family, my bosses, my job, or my best friend Bwill.
So then on about week 4, I challenged myself to try and write 3 things that I didn’t write the day before. Which then led me to this place of feeling frustrated because it became like a task and I felt like it was defeating the purpose.
I know, it sounds crazy. It sounds like I’m this super ungrateful brat. From the outside looking in, I would totally get that. I would even say on those days, I felt that way about myself. Sometimes, looking back on this year, I feel that way about myself still.
But Jesus is teaching me something in those moments, and it’s that I’m constantly looking for worldly means to be thankful for. You know how many weeks it took me to write I’m thankful for the cross, my faith, His faithfulness, or the Bible, etc.? I’ll leave you guessing/wondering because I’m truly ashamed.
So that’s what I want to encourage you with today. It’s that if we constantly are looking for the things of this world to be grateful for, then we always just have another mediocre Thanksgiving day. Because the things of this world will fail us. But if we fix our eyes on Him, realizing all He has done for us, we begin to be grateful rather than just thankful.
It’s been a while since I’ve published any of my journal entries or writings. A lot has taken place in my life the past couple of months, and maybe one day I’ll publish some of my entries from those months, but for now, this one felt right to share.
I hope that no matter what your Thanksgiving looked like this year, and no matter what this holiday season looks like or feels like, I pray that you know this… Jesus loves you so much, and His desire is for you to take part in this abundant life He has made possible through His death on the cross.
If you are a sister or brother in Christ, I encourage you and even urge you to move towards the hurting brothers and sisters this Christmas season. You might not see eye to eye with their hurt or hang-up, and you may never see eye to eye, but you should still love them, you should still bear the burden with them, and you should do what Jesus would do, which is love them. You never know what a simple “❤️” or “I’m thinking about you” could mean to someone this season.
I hope this brings you encouragement. Whether it be that you’re not alone, or that there is more to be thankful or grateful for than what we have here on this earth. Even though some days, in the midst of sadness and darkness, it’s hard to see anything to be thankful for. Remind yourself on those days, in those moments that, that is where the enemy wants you to be- feeling defeated, lonely, & isolated. BUT because of God & the cross- we can say with Joseph that what was meant for evil, God meant for good.
Ps. I wanted to clarify something that was somewhat miscommunicated in my last writing. Noah was in the ark much longer than 40 days. It rained for 40 days & 40 nights but Noah was on the ark for about 371 nights. My writing was somewhat confusing & misleading & I never want it to be that.
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